Mar 5, 2010

Dark Clouds

Dark Clouds?!! Where do i even begin? I guess I’m not the first one to feel this way but when you’re on an intensive language research with a six month deadline and battling bad health at the same time, it can seriously mess up your mentality.

Research Deadline: July last week.

Present date: 1st week of March.

Time remaining: 21 weeks.

Work finished: Scribbles of first two chapters and skeletons of last two chapters.

Work pending: A complete dissertation with a minimum of 80 page ‘quality’ work.

Work complications: I just realized I have to brush up on Maths (probability, permutation, matrix and set theory, the like) after 6 years of happily switching over to Arts stream (Why on earth is it even related to linguistics???) I should have known I signed up for logic when I signed up for semantics.

Work pace: Super slow!! My supervisor just told me to mail her my write-ups even though I badly wanted to meet her in person.

Health Status: 1.. Just recovered from bronchitis (bronchial spasms ain’t fun at all).
2. Still on a regular 2 week injection visits to Apollo hospitals for hemorrhoid treatment. (Sigh!My doctor told me that hemorrhoid is an indicator of bad health!) I'm no fan of needles; my body is really hesitant in responding to the treatment and there is absolutely no way that I am considering or even entertaining the 'S' word.
3. Sinusitis loves me. He has for the past two years. I mope and disinfect my room twice a day and wash my curtains every week just to make sure that my room is dust free! I realized it’s not the dust in my room… it’s me or rather, my magnetic personality!

Emotional Status: No room for such…. Thankfully!

Mental status: FRUSTRATED. On the brink of depression!

Venting process: I know it’s sounds stupid...
1. Facebook Games. I just realized I’ve become super aggressive. I attack every single player I come across in “Sorority Life”. Pretty Biatchy huh?!
2. I blog… after staying away for more than four months! But writing is therapeutic, so blogging must also be. (Well! This step ain’t really stupid!)
3. I kissed my social life goodbye , except for Sunday Schools(I can’t stay away from my kids!) and Choir practices ( I will attend only till the Passion weekend!)which doesn't make sense because I have more time to get depressed!

Well! I know that a lot of senior researchers must have gone through what I’m going through now! And I know it might seem either stupid, futile or funny… But I wonder how those people sail through their storms.

To wrap it up… let’s stare at the dark cloud.

Dark Cloud: All of the above.

Silver Linings:
1. Hmmmm… First things first. It got me blogging and most importantly, writing again (Even though it’s just a scribble). I haven’t done much writing after starting research.
2. It got me back to “ordering my private world”. My room is spotless, no dirty laundry in the basket, I get up at 7:00 am (sterling silver for that!). Have you noticed how organized my writings are? Numbered, pointers and the works! :)

So… the dark cloud and the silver lining; a whole page against two points. Well, who said the silver lining should be bigger than the dark cloud! ?

And as if Someone knew what I’m going through; I came across this ‘chhum ve mai mai’ pic by CHDA while leisurely browsing through Needless to say, I steal a silent smile!


Sam said...

Increased Productivity are by-far the most therapeutic when faced with dark clouds. (dark clouds... You've coined a new phrase right there!)
Will keep you and your Pain in the... needles and research in prayer

Senmami said...

Thnx Samu.... everyday is still a dread! :(

Clio said...

Nice post,nice first appearance:)

ku2 said...

I love the way you express yourself. And i really admire you for sticking to your books. I find that when I have "home work" to do, everything else seems so interesting.

BTW, you're Edward's sis, right? We used to be in the same class

Senmami said...

@Clio ... thnx... enjoying ur blog as well! :)

@ku2.. Yep.. Ed's my bro... I just might know u too.... I know most of his classmates.. at least by face :D :D