Jan 3, 2008

Taking My Time

I never liked cell phones ringing in the middle of meetings. I liked it even less especially if the cell phone belongs to me, even if the meeting is an informal one like the one that I was in that moment when my phone started vibrating. That Wednesday evening at 24/7 dhaba, I tried to ignore the vibration in my jeans pocket as I struggled to focus at Uma and the rest of the cultural-in-charge making suggestions on how to go about with the cultural activities for the JNUCF advent Christmas celebration. Finally I succumbed to the persistent vibration and excused myself as I picked up the call.
“Hi, Zuali!” a familiar voice rang “When is your meeting getting over, we’re waiting for you here for the North East night song practice”
“Sorry…It’s almost over. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
It was already 7:09 pm when I reached Ad block to a group of singers who kept showing me their watches and cell phones. I grinned, unamused, as I tried to apologise. I was 39 minutes late.
Three hours later, I was rushing on my way to Ad block again from Chandrabhaga hostel for the state dance practice. After a couple of hours of hopping and dancing in between bamboos beaten together, I limped my way back to the hostel; slumped on to bed, too exhausted for anything else, even my usual quiet time. Just before I fell asleep, a small voice asked me “When have you became to busy even to pray?” Ignoring the little voice, I rolled over and fell asleep only to wake up to the painful sound of the alarm reminding me that I have a 9 o’clock class that day.
I only realised that practice after practice, meeting after meeting, heavy academic work piling up on my bad health pushed me to the limit when I had a blackout once when I was getting ready for yet another practice. Lying on my bed that warm afternoon, staring at the stationary ceiling fan, thoughts poured into my head, thoughts that I never had the time to ponder upon. When have I started becoming too busy even to stop for a minute in a day to look back on how I spend the previous day? When have I started becoming too busy ‘serving’ God that I didn’t have time to spend with Him? When have I started becoming too occupied with my ‘academics’ that I couldn’t find the time to thank the One who gave me the health, the ability and the resources to study?
The Lord of heaven and earth came to die for me and I believed that He loved me enough that He would have died for me anyway even if I was the only one who needed redemption. He died for me because He loved me, He wanted me and He longed for me not my service. I know I can never repay Him back with my petty services then how come I am depriving Him of the thing He wanted most – my time with Him.
As far as I recall, I loved spending time with God. Those beautiful moments I would just quieten myself to listen to my Creator; those soulful moments when I would be at lost for words, knowing at the same time that I don’t need words to be understood by the One who knows me better than I know myself; those secret moments in the quiet place, when I would shut out the world, settle down at His feet and sing the little love songs that I wrote for Him in secret notebooks which no one would ever come across, knowing well that the silly songs would be appreciated even if the lyrics are crude or the tunes are out of place at times.
It is true that sometimes I am too busy ‘serving’ God that I couldn’t accommodate even thirty minutes a day for to spend time with Him. I also believe that unfortunately, I am not the only one with this problem. In today’s fast world, where fast cars and fast foods are in and everyone rushes for everything, we hardly find the time to ‘stand and stare’. We often talk about time management and how to handle our time, but I believe that no book, inspirational speaker or teacher would teach time-management lessons better than the One who could find time to create the whole world in just six days. Let us also not overlook the fact that even God emphasised on the importance of resting, like He did on the seventh day. Let us also be wise enough to rest in Him who leads us beside still waters rather than on some other form of stress buster. Lastly, let us always remember that our time with Him is much more important than anything else.

I won’t worry ‘cause there’s no hurry
The world’s not passing me by.
‘Cause the Lord, He knows just where each day goes
I know He won’t leave me behind.
And I won’t be bringing a single thing
That my heart can’t carry inside;
Cause I’m going home and I’m only taking my time.

1 comment:

Soul said...

It is true that sometimes I am too busy ‘serving’ God that I couldn’t accommodate even thirty minutes a day for to spend time with Him

Do u really feel so ? Then it is really great. Wonder how many of us realise that. We have time to do lot of unwanted things but we find hardly 1 minute to say thanks to god...!!!!