Sep 16, 2008

... Reconciliation...

Hello,

Do you remember me?? Does my voice seem familiar to you or can you even hear me at all? I heard things are going well with you, I'm glad. You deserved it after all you've been through. I have never stopped praying for you and I’m sure better days are waiting for you on the road ahead.
I'm doing great here too. So great that sometimes I want to sit you down and tell you of all the things that I've been through. But I can't do that, can I?? I guess we have come to an unsaid agreement that we should both exist in the same universe but however use indifference as our main solution to hide all the past hurts and bruises.
Time has treated me gently over the years. I must say I’m older now, wisened by the pain and the struggles. I have learnt how to look at pain in the eye and walk even through the darkest valley with grace in my steps and hope in my heart.
Well, life goes on after you left. Would you believe it?? I have already completed my master’s and I am now an official research scholar!! I remember you calling me up on the day of my 12 Biology exams, all the well wishes and the prayers. It’s been years, hasn’t it? The Lord has been extremely good to me, He’s always been close to me like a shadow, sheltered me and provided for me even when I’m wrong. The way He shows His care and love are simply amazing.
University’s not so bad after all… in fact, I now dread that I would have stayed back home and miss out on all these beautiful people and exciting experiences. I’ve met lots of friend here in University. Friends with whom I can be myself with, friends wit whom I laugh and cry with. And would you believe it? Most of them are not Mizos... again!! which proves that I am still an integrationist… I guess your purist philosophy doesn’t really stick to my head.
I haven’t changed much… I’m still no head-turner; I haven’t grown an inch taller or lost a single pound. But I’m finally contented with who I am. I have stopped writing though… except for a few scribbles. I guess it is one thing that you totally took from me. It must have been the constant criticism and the brutal sniggers, I guess I never really recovered completely from it. But however I’m working towards it, and the day anything from my pen gets published, I’ll send you a copy!!
I am still singing inspite of all that you’ve told me. I know I’m not good, but somehow I feel that God wants me to sing. And it has got nothing to do with being good in singing or having a good voice. Who am I to hold back against worshipping a God who does deserve to be worshipped? I have started dancing again… alone in my room though. But sometimes when I’m really really happy, I break out in wild moves even in the middle of the road. The butterfly is back and she’s here to stay…
I have also revived my rain-dances. But I can no longer feel the squishy squashy grass under my feet as I mostly dance on the hostel terrace. I still take walks in the rain… although I hardly have anyone to walk with. But nonetheless, I enjoy doing all these things even though I do it alone.
I have met a new guy. I couldn’t be happier!! He has been quite a rock in my life and the amount of care, concern and love he has showered me are not quite what I deserve. I’m immensely thankful for him and I hope to learn how to love and care for him in ways that he could and couldn’t see.

I do miss you sometimes. I want to see you again and thank you for all the lessons that you have taught me, the love and care that you have shown me and for the prayers that you have prayed for me for all those years. You indeed are one person who have watched me grow and change over the years. I still haven’t stopped yet, there are still so many mountains to scale, rivers to cross and lessons to learn. But I hope to be a better person everyday and i also hope that you will be happy with the woman I have become and the person that I will grow into in the coming years. Even though we are out of touch, someday I hope to bump to you in a busy market place or a hussled street and smile at you just so you know that inspite of what I believed back then, life does go on after you … and its still amazingly beautiful and rosy.

Lastly, I want to say I’m sorry for whatever pain I’ve put you through. And I pray that you won’t regret or feel guilty for whatever I went through. None of it was your fault.

To whom these words belong to…. You know who you are. I am blessed that I have met you.

5 comments:

Sam said...

Wow...

Senmami said...

:P guess i showed you there's a 'wuhman' inside!!!! SURPRISED!!

...i am a good friend...... said...

thanks for yr letter zuali,,,
for those who came late...she is writing to me:)....

just kidding!!!!!!!

and oh....WOW!!!!

ku2 said...

"I guess we have come to an unsaid agreement that we should both exist in the same universe but however use indifference as our main solution to hide all the past hurts and bruises"

Wow. You write sooo good.

Bd Chawngthu said...

wow.... i actually cried for this....