Old Soul still Young at Heart!!

Four years ago, my conversation with people I met in campus usually starts like this...

"So, your centre?"

"Linguistics"

"Which Semester?"

"Second"

"So, how's Coursework?"

"Coursework?"

"Oh! Sorry. Your synopsis?"

"Synopsis?"

"Aren't you in PhD??"

"No!!!"

"MPhil?"

"NO!!"

"You can't be in MA!!??"

**He looked back and realized he was already talking to himself**

I know! It's not something getting pissed over. But it's not exactly the best thing when people assume you're in PhD when you've just started your Master's degree.

It's worse when apologies quickly follow with a hurried "But you're so matured". Eyes flickering. 

"PREVARICATOR!!!" I'd scream. Silently.

I know, I know. I shouldn't be too hard on them. I was already under suspicion that I was an old soul ever since I passed out High School. A chirped "I rilru hi a hlui eee" from a very close friend was all it took to confirm my suspicions in college.

Looks wise, ever since high school, I have always been on the heavier side. And unfortunately, I inherited my paternal grandpa's dusky skin tone. Well, my grandpa, in his time, was known as the tall, dark, handsome youth in his village. And his two sons and I equally divided his epidermal qualities between us. My uncle is tall, my dad is handsome and I am ... dark. Sigh!! Genetics is just no friend of mine!

Hiding behind thick myopic glasses, pulled back hair and no makeup-look didn't do wonders in telling people your real age. Being in a friendship circle with an average age of 7 years+ your age didn't help either. So I guess, my seniors in campus who usually think I'm older, are justified in that way.

But hey! I am not that boring of an old soul either. I chatter, I chirp and I still am always ready to learn new things. Yes! My most recent pride is my conquest on riding a bicycle. And I sport battle scars to prove that I still don't give up. It still feels like butterflies when I see my man and also like the end of the world when I have a tiff with him. I can still talk for hours with my teenage Sunday School kids discussing about converse shoes and Justin Bieber. I still fight with them over Jacob Black and Edward Cullen. And yes! I've recently discovered Bruno Mars!!  I will dance on a street if I feel like it and most of the time, I am still a late riser. Yep! Rising up late is a sign that your digits are still less. Aunty Jane of Tagore International School told me so.

But do I really need to prove myself that I am still young at heart?? Age is just but a number, right? I keep telling myself that.... or so!

But it doesn't hurt either when an old family friend I met after ages, asked me if I've graduated. When answered, he quipped "Really?? You still look like you're in college!"

Maybe he knows how to compliment a woman.
Maybe he's telling the truth.
Maybe it's my new haircut
Maybe it's my makeup with which I spend months to master
Maybe it's the way I carry myself
Or
Maybe he's just a plain old liar.

But it sure doesn't hurt! It sure just doesn't hurt!

Full Name Basis

So I was on Facebook chat when all of a sudden, a chatbox popped up.

'Hmingthanzual'

'I dam em'

I realized my lips slowly curled up to smile. Full name basis!

We all know what it means to be on first name basis. But why is it so comforting for me to be in full name basis with someone?

It all goes back to green uniforms. Way back before Gatsby super hard gels. In our big classrooms with little furnitures, our teacher would call out our names just like the way we were officially named. And it caught on. Cause that's how we first came to know each other. On full name!

I finished high school with a majority of these people I called with full name. But after we graduated, we all moved on. 

Fast forwarding to five years after high school, I came to Delhi  to pursue a master's degree.

And suddenly, the 'Lalrinzuala' I used to share a lunch box in Second Grade was 'Mazuala'; the 'H. Lalnundiki' I used to sing with in Sunday School wouldn't turn untill you call her 'Madiki'. And 'Esther Vanlalruati' would sure get offended if I call her like that. Who's to blame, cause, there's no more 'Esther Sailo' who'd also look your way if you just use a first name!

Needless to say, there are a bunch of people I am on full name basis with. These are the people I've known since my first set of green uniforms and leaky lunch boxes (Was Tupperware in production then?). We all knew who cried the loudest at a teacher's cane, who lost bladder control at some point, who was the smart kid and who'd beat up a girl in class on a daily basis. We knew each other before we discovered make-up or hair gel, or the attraction with the opposite sex.

We knew each other during the awkward adolescence, when pimples and oily face was a plague, when boy bands were the center of our existence and back when the shape of our calves was the biggest problem in the world. We grew up knowing each others' imperfections and yet accepted and acknowledged each others' existence through the years.

We all know that there are some friends in life, who got seasoned with care, affection and good action. But I must say, nothing can beat friends who are but seasoned with time. And for me, those are my Full Name Basis people!

So when 'Robert Renthlei' messaged me on Facebook this morning, my mind clicked

 'Robert Lalhruaikima' Of Kulikawn. 

Lest I confuse him with 'Robert Lalchungnunga', another Robert I am on full name basis with!

Tiff...

So after almost a month of internet problems with MTNL, I'm back.

What a relief! I've been spending the last four weeks on complaint phone calls which were entertained strictly verbally!! With busy weeks, synopsis preparation, badminton games, cycling lessons (Yes!! I've finally done it), choir practices for the upcoming Resurrection weekend, I hardly have the time to go bomb the MTNL office in person.

But a friend of mine taught me a trick.

So last evening, when I picked up the phone to complain (the third time in a day) I subtly expressed my 'desire' to cancel my connection.

VOILA!!!

A phone call came from the office even before I woke up this morning. And fifteen minutes later, my internet light blinked for the first time in weeks. And here I am, furiously typing away, happy to get connected yet mourning for the lost weeks!

I must never forget.... I live in India!

Futile Unrest, Fragile World.

I got up late today. 

Lately I've had a slight case of sleeping disorder which allows me to sleep at dawn and wake up at noon. Last night I slept a couple of hours after midnight but still ended up waking up late.

When I finally got up and checked my twitter updates, I was glued to it for the rest of the day. 

While I slept the morning away, a little island nation in East Asia was going though its worst natural disaster. While I stretched, yawned and rolled over to snooze for another minute, buildings swayed, homes crumbled and lives were lost. While it was just another lazy morning for me, people in Japan had their most terrifying day.

As I surfed the net to look up pictures and videos of the tsunami that was caused by the quake, it somehow felt familiar. I've come across such scenes before: 30 feet high waves crashing in, homes and streets submerged in water, cars bobbing along the sea water that flooded the streets, fire breaking out everywhere, debris all over the town and cities. Yes, I've seen such scenes before. In theaters, on screen, on big budget Hollywood disaster movies. 

Just never in real life.

And as I browsed more pictures, listened to reports and watched news channels, I keep telling myself "This can't be happening". I was shaken for the whole day. I prayed... continuously. There wasn't anything else I can do.

It makes me think of how fragile this world is; how much we accumulate everything as if we're going to live forever. The days that we spent, slogging for something that we know we can't keep forever. The futile unrest that we made for ourselves only to acquire things that can perish with the snap of a finger. The relationships that we sacrifice in want of a better material-tomorrow. Until that one fine spring afternoon when the whole world comes down. How futile is our wealth and how fragile is our world?? Unless we have the One who calms all the storm.

It also makes me wonder what if such a disaster hits my hometown?? My little city on the hill where big houses with bad foundations are perched on cliffs and rocks. I shook again. Violently. I thought about my own home, my family, the people I love most in the world. I stared at the crumbling buildings on my computer screen again. It could easily be them in such buildings, had even a slight quake happened at Aizawl.

I don't want to continue thinking about it.

So I switch my attention to Japan. My heart and my prayers go out to the people in Japan who are affected by the disaster. You have been through a lot before. And I am sure you will rise again! Prayers are with you always.

To Zuali...

I know you can't quite read this yet. But one day when you do, you'll feel good to know that you are loved.

When you're dad called me up the day you were born, you were still cleaned and wrapped in the delivery room. Your dad laughed, "It's a girl again" he said. I could somehow sense the laced disappointment in the laughter. Don't blame him. He wanted a son ever since your eldest sister was born, but it doesn't mean he loves you lest.

Your two elder sisters were so excited that they could hardly speak to me when I called them up. "A Ni " they both squealed, " It's a little girl. We're gonna have a new playmate" . And though I am ecstatic for them, I somehow envy them in a way. I've always wanted to have a sister. Now don't get me wrong, your dad and uncles have been great brothers to me. But sisterhood is something much different; something that I will never have the privilege of experiencing in this lifetime. I am so glad, you will not miss out on this wonderful relationship.

When they gave you the name Lalhriatzuali  I was over the moon because you have a piece of my name. I don't know if they named you after me but it's good to know that I have a little namesake in you. Everyone may call you something else, but to me, you will always be Zuali, a perfect little piece of me.

I want you to know, my darling niece, to never underestimate yourself and the power of your existence. You are created with a purpose. A purpose no one else can fulfill but yourself. And as you grow up to face the world, there'll be times you doubt yourself. But each time it happens, I want you to remember that the moment I got that phone call from your dad, I sprouted a whole new heart to love only you. And the good news is that, I am not the only one. My love for you grew as I watched you grow through your parents' Facebook albums. I watch you sleep, cry, bathe and eat and now today, I watch you sit up with support. And I can see bits and pieces of myself in you already. You have your Grandma's eyes and that little chin, you got it from me, my little button. Yet in spite of all these little familiarities, you are a new person all on your own. Zuali, You are yet another miracle in my life.

I know that it's up to me and the family to make sure you enjoy growing up in this world. But this fallen world ain't perfect. And if ever a time comes when we make mistakes, it doesn't mean that we want second best for you. Remember, there's nothing in this life that can't be tackled with the help of a loving family, a little laughter, hard work and the Big Man Upstairs.

And as you grow up the world will tell you to follow your heart and just to be yourself. Don't listen to them my darling, for the heart can be deceptive. Lead your heart instead of following it. And never ever be content to be just yourself. Because there's honor in always striving to be the miracle that God created you to be.

Love,

XOX

A Ni